"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
Being at Briercrest has not been easy. I have wrestled with God these past two months, finding it extremely hard to be living in the middle of nowhere, taking courses that seem to easy to be post-secondary education. I apologize for my lack of blog posts, for my lack of communication with all of you, the people that I trust, the people that pray for me so often. I have not been faithful to you and for that, I am sorry. I promise to do better.
Since I arrived here in September, I have struggled to understand the work in which God is doing within me. I know it's important work, I know it's significant but I don't yet understand it and that is so frustrating.
Weekends are especially hard and quiet here. There's not much to do so, thanks to Mom's job, I am blessed enough to come home every few weeks. This has been a huge blessing this year. Coming back to Ontario brings me refreshment and encouragement to continue running this journey that God has called me to, this race he has mapped out.
So here I am, asking for much needed prayer from all of you. I'm sorry I haven't been good at communicating with all of you. My parents are aware of this struggle and I feel them praying for me daily. In the words of my mom, "Keep your chin up, I will keep praying for you". These words mean more than you know. I am out of my comfort zone here and God is challenging me in that.
This past week I have felt strong in Him and confident that he is doing good work within me that will be carried on until the day of Jesus. As miserable as I can be at this place, there are blessings: soccer, my roommates (Kaitlyn and Ellie), books, trips home, my guitar and music. I know God is working and I trust that he is doing big things I just wish he'd make his direction for me clearer and let me know why he brought me to this place.
I feel almost bittersweet. I hold on to his steadfast love while I cry out to him in a near-angry tone. Although I am frustrated with this place, I praise him anyway. From the song Your Love Never Fails, "He makes all things work together for my good" and I am so very thankful for that.
So in this wrestle, I am growing. I am changing. On Tuesday my English professor Sean Davidson said God disciplines those he loves. I have to embrace this brokenness and understand that He knows best.
I thank you still for your prayers. I love each of you so much.
"Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me." Colossians 1:28-29
1 comment:
Hey Emma, thanks for this! So ggod to see you listening and learning from the Word. Having watched quite a few students come here for school, I wonder if part of the difficulty is a hesitation or reluctance to dive into this experience with all you've got. I am sure you enjoy those weekends at home, but what might happen if you kept both feet on the flatlands, rather than one foot in Ontario? It is always harder to get down a steep hill on your snowboard if you don't commit and just go for it. What do you think?
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