I guess...

So. Due to pressure from people who shall remain nameless but share in likeness the visual attire and face shapes with the individual Matthew Newton. I shall post. I guess.

Hello there. All you peeps on the other end reading this message must be sitting at home stumped and torquing your faces in strange shapes wondering "why oh why have the people who haven't posted, not posted?" Its a simple answer really, its not that i don't trust yeall or the fact that we are posting quite personal and individual information on a public internet site. I am really fine with all those things. i just, haven't felt the drive to smear my fingers across this keyboard pouring out my life to you. To be quite frank, there is not much going on over on this end. It is really quite low key... in a sense. I guess ill start back a few months ago.

When i returned home, i really did return to the home i always knew. It was an empty and hollow place. On the night, or morning however, of my arrival i knew what i was stepping back into and i was immediately broken upon my return. My heart shattered within minutes of being in the house, although it was a pleasant and quite joyful ride, the illusion of "the norm" didn't fool me for no more than 5 minutes. My house and family were broken. I got home around midnight, after a day filled with driving and my good Buddy Joel was waiting at my house for me to arrive. Instead of crashing after i had a slight breakdown by myself, me and joel around two drove into the countryside, found a field and we sat on his car and talked. I don't remember what about, but it was great catchup time. The stars were incredible that morning and it was just what i needed to help me relax. The next day i was able to unpack, move in and run into town to get what i needed for work because it started the next day.

Work though, as always, has been a love hate relationship. i need the money for college and i love the feeling of being financially secure and more importantly i love doing physical activity, being outside and working with Joel. But what i Hate is the Kind of person it brings out in me. it is only at work that my humour slumps to the lowest areas and my language is slacked off like a loose tree in a hurricane. Not much i say is edifying or Holy for that matter but what i see and experience when i get lost in the sky or landscape is still God and His presence is known to me. And what doesn't help at all is quite a few of the people working there are christians. And their speech and behaviour is much like mine. As an added thing to work, i find myself spontaneously getting stressed. and not just mildly. in some cases i feel stretched and pounded, much like pizza dough. But most times what i find myself fretting over are things not worth fretting about. You see, all my life, since having the father i do and given the impression that nothing i ever did growing up was ever good enough, i carry the same disposition i have to my Dad to other men, and then i have an easy time believing they will get mad at me over nothing and so i have a hard time passing my trust to them. It is a working progress to push this way of thinking out of my mind and when i do work most of the time i enjoy being there but get swarmed by spontaneous waves of stress. But thats enough about work home life is a different story.

It is a bummer to be home for the summer and not be able to be at camp. Olivia is there... again and Im stuck doing crummy work haha but things will be cool in the fall because Olivia is going to the college in lethbridge and is renting a house with a bunch of girlfriends, and some buddies of mine were thinking about renting the basement and since i have my courses registered for college, i think it would be pretty cool if i got in the basement too and out of the house. But life home is hard. i fly easily under the radar because i have already talked to my paster and my buddy Brock's Dad about him and My Dad knows i have done these things so he avoids direct confrontation with me but he still abuses my mother with his words and actions. It is as though she walks on glass around him but each step she takes she bears the pain knowing that what happens does not go unnoticed by our Almighty Father and it is by his Judgement, not Hers, that my dad will be delt with if he doesn't repent. I try to spend as much time with my Mom as possible. I try to help her where i can with house chores and on sundays we make a special breakfast such as scones (pronounced SSSK-O-ns, where the "O" makes the same sound as the "O" in Orange) Banana Muffins, and tomorrow eggs Benedict. Oh and we have also joined a running club in town that runs mondays at 6:30. I Love her Deeply and wish to let her know she's not alone in her marriage.

Since i have been home i had the chance to go on a sick fishing trip in northern Saskatchewan with Joel, his dad and brothers. it was a huge lake all to ourselves and we were just goons the whole time we were there. i felt compelled to include a pic so. heres one on the lake.

Spiritually i try to keep myself occupied by things such as reading to keep myself from slipping back into old temptations and cycles. i try to make my goal of reading one book a week. Currently i am reading mere christianity by C.S. Lewis and its going great, almost done and if anyone has book suggestions just throw them my way. But on My struggles it has been a roller coaster ride since i have been home. I would say right now i have been on a high point and pray that HE continues to hold me up to where HE desires. I am not doing any racing this year because i cannot afford it at all but do enjoy casual riding with my buddy Brock from time to time, me and him are like Matthew is to James. We both like making videos, Just not music remix..is?. But we are going to be making another riding video and in the mix is a snowboarding one next winter.

I miss You all Quite a lot, some more than others, Lets be Honest here hahaha i miss you all on a basic starting level, but there are some who may be a little above that level. nothing personal. But if anyone gets offended just stick to the "I miss you all" part and we will be good. and Like trent i frown upon being bested by a puppy so i decided to drop a line... or letters. And look forward to a time where i may see you again (all of you not just some of you haha)

Boyds