I don't really know how to start, so I'm just gonna jump right in.
This last month has been a pretty brutal one. I started using Cocaine again, started drinking heavily, partying about 4-5 nights a week, and hanging out with alot of boys. I started seeing my ex again, but cheated on him with his best friend... so we broke up. He took me back, but it hasn't been going well at all, and we fight alot now. This past week I worked tuesday till sunday, drank thursday till monday, and slept about 9 hours between wednesday and sunday.
I haven't seen my mom for more then 5 minutes in almost a month now, and I haven't said more then a sentance to my dad. I spend maybe one night a week in my own bed, and alot of nights at random houses or sleeping in Kat's (my best friend) car.
I feel like the only thing I have control over right now is what I eat, so I haven't been eating. I eat about one meal a day right now, and exercise daily.
Basically my days include... work, tan, drink, boys, sleep.
I don't really know what else to tell you, pray if you want to, but I've pretty much forgotten about God. Please don't tell me how I'm worth more then all of this and God wants to meet me where I am... etc, etc. I've heard these speeches a thousand times. I know it all, it still means nothing to me.
I love you all, and wish I could hug you.
Slowly losing it, but still...
Hopeful.
P.S. in case no one reads Emma's FB wall... Those slippers that have been through everything with me... got demolished by the dog I was dog-sitting last weekend. Un-Impressed!
4 comments:
Bria. my fav part of this was the end when u simply stated dont tell me who i can be.
so ill tell you who you are. from kaie doirons perspective.
well A i like you ...okay glad we clarified that . ill continue
bria.. hmmm .
i have loved seeing you grow this year. from day one to the end my image of who you are has changed . in the beginning i was like hey this girl has it too much together. ( if that makes sense) than at the end i relaized your human.. and actually is really easy going, and kinda bings some spunk to churches.
Im sorry your in a mess, woundering in these times if you come to the blog only, or do you seek help from other people too. im preaying for you, and i actually do have a lot of hope for you, becasue i know who you are, your an amazing gift from God, whos heart is pure and is super kind. i love you . who you are right now.
your a very strong person bria that is something ive always admired of you. how rad would it be if u could flip this situation upside down, and tell people how God has changed you. invite him in. i heard he does miricles.
p.s im really not the found of spell check,but i am of you
your friend. Katie.
Bria,
I know you and I haven't talked much, but you have been on my heart constantly since before your kaleo began. I don't know your story, and I don't know how much of this even means anything to you but my hope for you has been for healing, and freedom. Your honesty with your brothers and sisters here is a good thing. Thank you for letting them, as well as us kaleos from other years, know what you are truly going through right now. Bringing things into the light takes a lot of courage.
I know that when I am in a dark place there's something about cliched Christian speech that drives me nuts! But there is truth in these words that your brothers and sisters want to speak into your life, Bria. The crazy thing in all of this is that no matter how much truth is spoken over you, nothing can change until you choose to believe it. God's promises to heal and restore have been spoken into your life... but the last thing that darkness wants is for you believe that.
Praying that you would take a step in faith and hear him speak.
"daughter, your faith has made you well" (luke)
Ellie J (K5)
there isnt anything u can do that will make us stop loving you. and so there is cetainly nothing you can do to make God stop loving you, someone who loves far more unconditionally and purely than us. no matter how badly we all want you back, it is nothing compared to how badly God wants you back.
I <3 U
Janny Lanny
there isnt anything u can do that will make us stop loving you. and so there is cetainly nothing you can do to make God stop loving you, someone who loves far more unconditionally and purely than us. no matter how badly we all want you back, it is nothing compared to how badly God wants you back.
I <3 U
Janny Lanny
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