Ok..I will...share..

Man, I have been think about what I should say in this post for a long time. I have been wanting to post something on the blog but had no clue what to say. I will start with this: I miss you all terribly! I sound just like everyone else, but I don't go a day without missing you all. I see a a white van drive and I get ready to see if it is one of ours. I hear a whistle, while I am at a store and I look around for Justin telling us its ready to go. Someone says something and I am ready to come back at them with a comment, but then remember they wouldn't understand what I was saying. The list goes on and on at how many things remind me of my amazing Kaleo family that God has blessed me with.

Coming home was a challenge, as you all know. When I came home I had TONS of people asking me about Kaleo. I told them the same thing, "Oh, I loved it! It was such a wonderful experience..blah blah blah" you all know the routine. I also didn't want to talk about it because my heart ached every time I thought about it. But then I started to think, why am I wanting to forget this? This was the most wonderful experience of my life and now it is time to take what I learned and share it. So, I am now praying that God will show me ways of sharing it differently with each person I talked. But it is hard because I am not one to share things about what I have done. It doesn't occur to me to share certain things, which I have been praying that God will help me in this area.

Home life was really hard to adjust to. Once we got home we had a wedding and a shower (two of my favorite things to go to..not! haha) to go to. It was good because I got to see all of my family, but kind of hard. My family has changed a lot and I just didn't feel like I fit in, so it was a hard long week end and I was more then ready to come back home. But at home I wasn't satisfied either. I was mad that I didn't have a job, annoyed with my siblings and just wasn't looking on the positive side of things. I was praying about it but not really trying to fix my attitude. Mom then came to me and start talking about something, don't remember what, but we got to talking about me and my relationship with her and dad. She decided that we would have a big talk (which I was NOT looking forward to at all!). I was then praying that God would help me, I wanted to share everything that was on my heart and I wanted them to know about the things had been building up for so many years. The next morning they decided we were going to have the talk, which I was not prepared for. We all sat down and they started (of course) and it was a heavy blow! I wasn't ready for it. Once they were done ( I said very little during that time of their talking) they asked if I had anything to say. At first I said I had nothing to say, which is what I always do just so they would leave and leave me alone with my thoughts. But then I decided that it wasn't fair that they didn't know what I was thinking and I shared what has been so heavy on my heart for years. I couldn't believe I did it and thank God that He gave me the words and strength to say it. Things after the talk have been looking up. We understand each other more and are working on things that need to be worked out.

Ever since that talk I felt this weight being lifted off of me. I have noticed I see them with new eyes and am enjoying just being home and spending time with my family. I still have somethings to work through and it is not all healed, but I believe that things are going to be a lot better! I am praising God and thanking Him for this event. It was something that needed to happen a long time ago.

Also, I am having a hard time with keeping myself in the Word and coming to God for things. I find that while I am at home I do not depend on Him as much as I do when I am at camp.. I do not like this and am trying to fix this.

So these are the things that are happening in good ol' Rockford. I am sorry it is so long, but I thought I would.. share with you guys! haha you don't know how long it has taken me to right this! I have thought about writing this so many times but couldn't make myself do it.

I LOVE YOU ALL and am praying for you daily!

Love your sister,

Ellie =D