thinking of you, wherever you are.

Hey chums,

So this is a bit of a weird update. Long story short, things got really complicated and kind of confusing for a bit, and it turns out that if I were to continue touring with To Write Love, I’d more or less be deciding not to go to school in the fall. It’s kind of complicated, but I won’t be continuing my internship at this point. The time I had before I had to come home for the funeral was incredibly valuable, and both taught and affirmed things in me that I think are going to be very significant down the road both as I pursue a ministry that will allow me to continue to be on the front lines of the battle against these issues, as well as for my own growth. I had a Skype session with To Write Love today, and explained to them my situation, and it went better than I’d even hoped. They were really supportive of my decision and have told me that the door is always open for me to join them in the future if it becomes possible. It’s not how I had hoped things would work out, but it was a huge blessing to work with them while I did, to have ended on the terms that I did, and I have a surprising amount of peace about the decision.

The ironic thing is that due to a very unforeseen shift in circumstance, the amount I’m going to have to pay for school each year is a lot smaller, and I’ve been talking to Qwanoes about returning as a senior counselor for the summer, the support money of which would almost cover my costs for next year. So that’s the plan for now, I’m also trying to find some short-term work in the time being, so if you could be praying that I’d find some that would be much appreciated.

If you could also be praying for me while I’m at home, it never seems to get much easier. I’ve been trying so hard to be above reproach, to dispense grace and to show love, but I feel like as though the worst is assumed of me the moment I step in the doors. I feel humiliated, unwanted and accused a lot of the time that I’m here. Everything I do is wrong. I'm not having the second man affirmed, but instead am constantly being reminded of the dead in me. I keep putting my heart out on the table, but nobody wants it. This isn’t any excuse to compromise in reflecting Christ, I know, so please pray for wisdom, discernment, and hope – that I wouldn’t give up on dreaming of better things for my family, even when it seems impossible. Everyone else seems very content with things where they’re at, content with silence and fractured relationships and unforgiveness, but I long for so much more for them.

On a better note, I’ve been amazed at the incredible things that God has been showing me lately. He’s been teaching and showing me things that bring truth, clarity, relief, and awe… I can barely contain my joy a lot of the time. It’s incredible. I just spent some time in Ontario and that was an enormous blessing, the plane ride back I just reflected and marveled at what the Lord’s been up to… it’s an exciting thought that I think we usually just see the tip of the iceberg, and that he’s doing so much more than we can fathom.

I thank God for you, and love you all enormously.

Matthew.

PS. some people have said that they want the song me and James recorded on their iPods. i can Skype you the file, or you can go to www.video2mp3.net and copy and paste the YouTube link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQyJjyiyPYw) into the provided space. it's real easy and takes only a couple minutes.

PS2. i put my postal code on the Kaleo address sheet wrong. it's actually V3S 2J8. just for the record.